Pumping in the NICU: What Nobody Tells You

I started pumping as soon as my doctor cleared me from my c-section. I think it was within the first 24 hours.

Both my delivery hospital and the NICU helped me get started and supported me throughout the process. Our NICU has a lactation specialist assigned to our daughter who checks in often, discusses the plan, and helps coordinate with the milk room. Yes — our NICU has a full milk room with staff that manages all the milk and formula needed for babies throughout the hospital. Not every hospital has that, and I'm grateful for ours every day.

The schedule depends entirely on production.

With our first daughter, I exclusively pumped and only produced what she needed. This time, with our second daughter, I'm thankful to have an oversupply — which means I can store extra and don't have to pump as often.

A typical pumping schedule is every 2-3 hours throughout the day and night, for about 20 minutes per session, or until you empty. That's day AND night. Through alarms, through exhaustion, through every meal you're trying to eat with your other kid at the table.

Sitting down every three hours to pump for that long is time consuming. And honestly, it's just not a delightful feeling.

I felt like if I wasn't pumping, I had just finished or was about to need to pump again. It really cut into my bonding time with my newborn in the NICU. It cut into time with my oldest daughter at home. More time is spent plugged into a machine than anything else.

It's especially hard this time around to explain to my five-year-old why I can't come play tag or hide and seek. She doesn't understand why mommy has to keep sitting down with that thing. And I don't always know how to explain it in a way that makes sense to her.

Pumping is all hard — physically, mentally, and emotionally. There's a journey for each.

Your body produces however much it produces. And then your head starts wondering if it's enough. Constantly. Every single session. You're watching the bottle fill up and calculating whether it's more or less than last time and what that means. It takes a toll.

Honestly? I think about quitting every day.

But then I remember why I'm doing it and who I'm doing it for. If she can handle lab draws and x-rays and be working to stay alive every single minute, then I can manage pumping for her — no matter how hard it gets.

Pumping is not breastfeeding.

You don't get the same emotional bond because there's no latching. It's you and a machine and a bottle — and it can feel isolating in a way I wasn't prepared for.

But here's what helps: increase your kangaroo care. Do more skin to skin. You can still find that bond, and science actually shows that skin to skin contact increases your supply. Two birds, one stone.

If you're pumping in the NICU and you're struggling with the lack of that emotional connection, hold your baby more. Hold your baby whenever you can, for as long as you can. That connection is still there. You just have to find it in a different way.

Your partner can play a huge role in pumping.

Make sure they understand the stress and strain it takes on your body and your mind. Stay open. Communicate with them. Let them in on what you're actually going through, not just the logistics of the schedule.

And most importantly — ask your partner to help with bottle and pump part washing.

If you asked my husband, he knows firsthand how many dishes go into pumping. The cleaning, the sterilizing, the parts drying on the counter day in and day out. It's a lot. And it's one of the easiest ways a partner can take real weight off your shoulders without even needing to ask how you're feeling.

A good partner helps. A good partner makes the process easier by showing up for the unglamorous parts. I don't thank my husband enough, but I really couldn't do all this pumping for our daughter without him and his support.

If you're the partner of a NICU mom who's pumping — wash the parts. Sterilize the bottles. Refill the water. Bring her snacks mid-session. The physical labor of pumping extends way beyond the pump itself, and every little thing you take off her plate matters.

If you're pumping in the NICU right now and you're tired — it's okay to be tired. If you're thinking about quitting — it's okay to think about it. If you're wondering whether you're producing enough — your body is doing more than you know.

You are giving your baby everything you have. And whatever that amount is, it is enough. You are enough.

This season is hard. But it's temporary. And someday you'll look back and be proud of what you did.

— Louie's wife

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