When we first arrived in the NICU, I didn't know what to ask.
I'd stand at my baby's bedside, surrounded by nurses and doctors who clearly knew exactly what they were doing, and I'd freeze. I didn't want to seem like I wasn't paying attention. I didn't want to take up their time. I didn't want to ask something obvious.
What I've learned since then is this: there are no silly questions when it's your baby.
NICU nurses and doctors want you to ask questions. They want you to understand what's happening. An informed, engaged parent is a partner in your baby's care — and the best NICU teams know that.
So here are the questions I wish I'd asked sooner. Bookmark this page. Screenshot it. Bring it to the bedside.
Section 1: Questions About Your Baby's Current Condition
These are the questions to ask daily — at every care conference and every shift change.
1. What is my baby's biggest challenge right now? Cut through the noise and get to what matters most today. This question helps you focus on the right things instead of worrying about everything equally.
2. What does a good day look like for my baby right now? Understanding what progress looks like helps you celebrate the right milestones and reduces anxiety about things that aren't actually concerning.
3. What are you watching most closely today and why? This tells you where the medical team's attention is focused — and gives you a window into their thinking.
4. Has anything changed since the last shift? Always ask this at shift changes. Nurses hand off detailed notes but you deserve to hear it directly too.
5. What do these monitor numbers mean for my baby specifically? Don't just watch the numbers — understand what they mean for your baby's particular situation and gestational age.
6. Is my baby in any pain or discomfort? How are you managing that? This is the question parents are most afraid to ask but most need answered. NICU teams actively monitor and manage pain — ask them how.
Section 2: Questions About Treatment and Care
7. Why is my baby on this medication and what does it do? You have the right to understand every medication your baby receives. Ask about purpose, dosage, and how long they'll be on it.
8. Can I hold my baby today? If not, when? Kangaroo care and skin-to-skin contact are incredibly beneficial for NICU babies. Ask this question every single day until the answer is yes.
9. What can I do during care times to help my baby? Care times (usually every 3-4 hours) are your opportunity to be hands-on. Ask your nurse to teach you how to take temperatures, change diapers, and do mouth care.
10. How is my baby's feeding going and what's the goal? Feeding progression is one of the key milestones toward discharge. Understanding the current goal and next step helps you track progress.
11. What does my baby's brain ultrasound show? Routine head ultrasounds are standard for premature babies. Always ask to understand the results in plain language.
12. Are there any procedures or tests coming up I should know about? Stay ahead of what's coming so you're not caught off guard. Ask at the start of each day.
13. Can you explain what this equipment is doing for my baby? Don't be intimidated by the machines. Ask your nurse to walk you through every tube, wire, and monitor until you understand its purpose.
Section 3: Questions About Going Home
These questions become more relevant as your baby progresses — but it's never too early to start asking.
14. What are the discharge criteria for my baby? Understanding the specific milestones your baby needs to reach gives you something concrete to focus on instead of an uncertain timeline.
15. How close is my baby to meeting discharge criteria? Ask this weekly as you get closer. It helps calibrate your expectations and lets you start preparing practically.
16. What training will I need before we go home? Most NICU graduates go home requiring some level of ongoing care. Ask early what you'll need to learn — CPR, feeding tubes, oxygen management — so you have time to prepare.
17. Will my baby need any follow-up appointments after discharge? NICU graduates typically have follow-up care with developmental pediatricians and specialists. Understanding this early helps you plan.
18. What signs should I watch for at home that would concern you? Get specific guidance from your team about warning signs for your baby's particular conditions before you leave.
19. Are there any support resources or programs for NICU families after discharge? Many hospitals have follow-up programs, parent support groups, and community resources. Ask your social worker or care team what's available.
20. Who do I call with questions after we go home? Get the specific name, number, and after-hours protocol before discharge day. Don't leave without this.
One More Thing: How to Ask
Walking into a busy NICU and stopping a nurse mid-task can feel impossible. Here are a few practical tips:
Write your questions down before care times so you don't forget them in the moment. Ask nurses at the start of care time when they're settled and focused. Request a family care conference with the medical team if you need more time for bigger questions — you are entitled to this. And remember: no question is too small. Every single one of these questions has been asked before by parents just like you.
Did this help?
Save this list to your phone. Share it with your partner, your parents, anyone sitting bedside with your baby.
And if there's a question you've been afraid to ask your NICU team — reply to this email or leave a comment below. I'll do my best to help.
I'm Louie, a NICU parent who started Between Beeps because no family should navigate the NICU feeling alone and confused. Every week I share support, education, and real talk for NICU families — during your stay and beyond.
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You're doing an incredible job. Keep going.
— Louie